Finding Me

I searched the alleyways, corners, and dead ends of my soul. Desperately looking for a golden ticket, prized answer, and a magical solution that would define who I am as an individual and what my purpose in life is.

I knew the basics.

My name is Angie.

I am a wife, mother, daughter, granddaughter, sister, friend, etc.

I am known and loved by a God in Heaven who knows me by name, answers my prayers, and earnestly wants me to do the best I can.

But I did not know much more than that.

For years I searched for myself.

Am I a writer? A photographer? A sewer? A cook? A crocheter?

Amongst all the kitchen experiments, photos, fabric adventures, and yarn - I learned a lot.

But despite the abilities to prepare gluten-free food and adjust my photographic aperture, I always felt empty handed and incomplete.

Out of pure exhaustion and frustration, I gave up on myself and I started searching for my God. I tried to pray, study, and meditate. Once again I felt empty, confused, and frustrated.

Finally, I put myself aside. I looked into the little eyes of my children and began to focus on their little needs. My personal worries about who-I-am-as-an-individual transformed into trying to be the best I could be for them. I started praying that I might be a happier, stronger, more grounded mother.

I looked to my family, neighbors, and friends. I prayed that I might be better, more reliable, and charitable to them.

And something amazing happened. Letting go of myself helped me find myself. Praying for assistance to be more, do more, and serve more opened the windows of Heaven and my soul.... and I am happier than I have been in a long time.

It is when you live your life for others that you truly transcend into happiness, connection with deity, and completeness.

I sought my soul, but my soul I could not see.
I sought my God, but my God eluded me.
I sought my brother, and found all three.
(author unknown)