Calebs Are Like Onions

Caleb is all about layers these days. It is not enough for Caleb to simply wear one shirt or two pairs of pants... no Caleb needs to continue adding to his ensemble as the day progresses.

Today I lost count at five layers.

Five layers.

You'd think Caleb would start to complain about the added heat when the beads of sweat start to run down his face...

Think again.

Instead, Caleb continued to bring me additional clothes from his room to add to his ensemble.



Calebs are like onions... they have layers.

How Did He Do It??

The other day Caleb mysteriously ended up in the crib.

I had no clue how it had happened since he has unsuccessfully made the climb on his own accord.

After some minor sleuthing... I solved the mystery.

Conner, the world's best big brother, has been aiding and assisting my little climber in his various quests to conquer the world - as he knows it.

While the mystery is now solved... a greater problem remains at hand. How in the world do I keep these two partners in crime out of things and away from trouble??

Their cooperation and problem solving skills make me nervous. My house needs a room with padded walls.

The "Doobey" Car

Our church hosted a family pinewood derby tonight. Conner has talked about nothing else since the Sunday we emerged from Church with our very own pinewood "doobey" kit.

Anyone who knows my boys, understands their affinity to cars and car ramps. The prospect of building your own car and racing it against others on a very large car ramp is very compelling to my boys - dad included.

Last night, we pulled out our little derby car kit and began the process of building a car. When asked what kind of car we should build, Conner immediately exclaimed "a Mater Car, dad!"

Conner quickly pulled out his Handy Manny tool belt - supplied with all the essential tools to build or fix a car, and got to work.

Growing Pains

Conner and I visited various preschools a couple weeks ago.

There was one preschool that caught Conner's fancy, and he practically begged me to leave him there that day to play, by himself, all day.

Conner is growing up fast.

While I contemplate sending my baby out into the big world, it hurts. In all honesty, I would like to blame my apprehension upon the cost of preschool... when in reality, my apprehension is solely based upon the fact that my heart is breaking. What am I going to do without my little man during those four hours every week?

How do you prepare your kids to face the big world... even if just for a couple hours a week?

As I think about motherhood, and how some days seem to drag on into eternity... I am beginning to realize just how quickly the days are passing. I want my kiddos to remember the good days and the happy moments... opposed to the "bummer times" and sad moments. There are so many things I want my kids to know and understand... so many memories I hope to have ingrained into their cute little heads.

When I look back to my childhood, I remember how loved I felt in my mom's arms after I woke up from a nap. I remember my dad singing silly songs in his old Datsun. I remember trying to give my dad a "high-five" without him catching my hand. I remember my brothers and how fun it was to play with them... even if they did not appreciate my Barbies.

When I look into my kid's faces, I often wonder just what they will remember about me. Will they remember the nights I sing while I make dinner... or will they remember the nights I get frustrated during dinner preparation?

Just in case my grown-up kids ever wonder, here are the things I try to do as a mother right now.

I kiss you more than you like. I can't help myself. Kissing your head is addicting. I am not sure I will ever outgrow my obsessive kissing tendencies. I should probably apologize for that right now, but I really do not want to.

I love nap time. Nap time is my favorite time of the day because I get to somewhat cuddle your toddler body... and I even sneak extra head kisses while you sleep.

I love to read to you.

I love our Friday-night-fort-night-tradition of building a fort in the family room and eating our dinner "picnic style."

I try to play the piano for you each night as you fall asleep in your bed. The music is not always perfect... but I hope it demonstrates my love for music.

I sing to you a lot. My voice is normally off-key from exhaustion and the words are often made up... but it makes my day when you start to sing with me.

I get really excited about art time with you. Art time often ends with your face covered in paint from mom's excitement.

Even though I am sometimes a "health-nut" mom... I love making treats with you. (They are healthy... I just don't tell you so.)

I really do like playing in mud with you... I just have to pretend otherwise or else it would end up EVERYWHERE. I hope I can contain my secret :)

I hate disciplining you. I don't think this is something you will understand until you are a parent, but I detest the moments in which I have to be firm. Even though it is painful, I keep reminding myself that one day you might thank me.

I love listening to you pray. You have taught me so much from the simple things you thank Heaven for. Thank you for sharing these sweet moments with me.

Your laugh is addicting... just like kissing your head. If I'm not trying to kiss you, you are most likely getting tickled. I hope to never forget that sound.

Overall, I hope you know that I love you from the bottom of my soul. My life would be incomplete without your presence. Even though your "growing up too fast" sometimes feels as if it is breaking my heart, I am so proud of each of you and your many accomplishments.

Love,

Mom

Nightly Prayers

So, Mom and I just couldn't help laughing tonight at family prayers...

Conner has been doing an amazing job saying prayers on his own lately and is very extensive on his gratitude that he expresses to our Heavenly Father.

Tonight, we began laughing when he said, "Thank you Toy Story. Thank you that Buzz Lightyear climbed up the stairs, jumped off, and broke his arm."

Oh, kids say the darndest things...

Conner's Baby

Conner is no longer pregnant with his baby Kaeli.

Conner now believes that I am pregnant with five baby Coltons. According to Conner, our van is in need of five car seats or else the van will be soo sad.


I have to have five Colton babies to make the van happy.


Five Colton babies.


I think I'd rather have a sad van.


Thank goodness the last ultrasound only showed one baby!

Choices

Every day we are all faced with multiple choices. These choices may be small, but they do have the potential to have a large impact upon our lives. Some choices may not be that important, while others are monumental.

I thought once I had made the choice to be a stay-at-home mother, the decision process would be over. I was dead wrong.

Every day, I have the choice to be "at home" or to be "at home with my kids". When just "at home," I meet the basic needs of my kids while my cranium is somewhere else. When I am "at home with my kids" we visit the moon, have picnics on the family room floor, and read books until we all fall asleep in bed. Small choices... big outcomes.

My choice to "really be here" is a hard choice to make each day. A lot of times I find that while my body is here, my brain is somewhere else. But the choice to really be here has a permanent effect upon my growing kids.

The challenge of "really being here" while simultaneously leading a somewhat productive life is an every day challenge. I wish my laundry would magically fold itself and all of my dishes would permanently stay clean so I could have more time and energy for my kids.

By mothering, and mothering well... we as women can still find satisfaction, confidence, and fulfillment in our lives. Elaine Heffner said that, "The self-esteem that has been found in new pursuits can also be found in mothering."

In addition, Marjorie Hinckley once said that we will never feel fulfilled as women until we give all we have. Regardless of our various seasons in life, if we do not give it our all, we will feel empty and unfulfilled.

All too often, I take these moments of feeling unaccomplished, and I reach for something new to fill the empty gap. Because the new something is not approached in a healthy manner, it all too quickly starts to rule my life. My kids start to "get in the way" of my success and the little messes make me mad.

Then I try to simplify. I start to "give things up" again... which hurts and makes me sad. Finally, balance is once again restored. I am happy at home. I am in love with my kids. Then I get off track for a couple of days and I start another hobby or project. The cycle continues.

When my life is simplified - things run more smooth. Dinner is not so stressful, clothes get folded, and those sticky monsters that hide on our kitchen floor are frequently removed with the mop. Why is simplification so hard to maintain?

Marjorie Hinckley also said the following:

"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are."

That quote hit home. I love the statement, "We have to learn to be content with what we are." Does that shake anyone's world with mine?

I want the maturity Hinckley refers to. Sometimes it is hard to find contentment when I feel as if I live in sweatpants and my main form of entertainment is Bob the Builder... but that is who I am and it is where I am at. While my social schedule does not resemble what it once was and my hips have expanded... I love it. I want the maturity to understand that simplifying my life does not make me any less of a person.

I love my life. I love that there are days in which I don't get anything done. I love pancake nights, finger-painting my little boy's faces, and kissing the dirt off of their cheeks. I love pajama days and walks to the park. The preconceived motion that my life needs anything more than that is a farce.

In the End - A Butterfly

Three years ago my husband and I began the rocky climb of starting a business. The climb has been worth it - even during the down moments.

As things continue to evolve and grow, we still do not know where this journey will take us. The journey has changed us and hopefully has made us better people.

Throughout the climb, there have been moments of frustration and despair. The lack of a steady paycheck or the intensity of a husband working multiple jobs at the same time can become overwhelming. There have been moments when I want to throw my hands up in the air and say "I am done!"

There have also been moments of joy. There have been many moments of satisfaction knowing that the rocky climb is in support of my husband's dream. There have been moments of shared excitement when a difference has been made in some one's life.

Reaching for our dreams is never an easy task. There will be moments of disappointment, pain, or even loss. Expect it. There will be moments in which giving up might sound like a good idea. But there will also be moments of joy, and these moments are worth every ounce of worry or despair.

Over a month ago, Nate applied for a full-time teaching position at an online university. This position included flexible hours, health benefits, and a steady paycheck. The preconceived ease of that path sounded so fantastically delicious, that it had me drooling. This job would bless us with security, while simultaneously allowing us to build our business. We have prayed and prayed for this job to be ours. The interview went great and they told Nate they would get back to him within a week.

The week ended yesterday.

We received no call.

They told Nate that they would call him either way.

We still do not know.

Yesterday, I felt like waving my hands in the air to surrender. I continued asking "why not?" and the famous "what have I done wrong?" questions that everyone asks during the hard moments.

Prior to our business venture, it was suggested that we maintain a "gratitude journal." I found that journal today. As I started to review our entries, I was filled with a deep sense of peace. Even during the hard moments, our lives have still been richly blessed. We have always had a comfortable home, we have never gone hungry, and a rich abundance of love has always resided within our home. I continue to realize just how much the hard moments have blessed our lives.

Prayers have been answered by those who surround us. The support received from family has been incredible. Support from friends and neighbors has been overwhelming. Every prayer has been answered ten-fold. Thank you to each of you who have influenced our life in a positive way over the last three years.

We still do not know what the job opportunity will bring, but either way I am grateful. I am grateful to know that we are not alone. I am grateful for the hard moments that encourage growth in ways that I would never have dreamt possible. I am grateful for the power of prayer in our lives. Even when the light of the tunnel feels far away... I am convinced that it is never really that far away.

"What the caterpillar calls the end of the world,

the Lord calls a butterfly"

The Pacifier

Rejected as a baby.
Adored and fought over as a toddler.

Ironic?

I think so.