the art of saying no

Chatting with a girlfriend at the park today, I noticed a ridiculously cute crocheted bracelet on her wrist. I like crocheted things, and I very much fell in love with her bracelet. The conversation drifted toward pregnancy and the various childhood stages while my brain fixated upon the crocheted bracelet. Mentally, I unpacked the box holding the cute purple yarn in my basement and the crochet needles. I thought about youtube and pinterest and free online tutorials. And I even planned to sacrifice my quiet writing/reading time for chains of yarn.

With various crochet stitches circulating my head, two boys finally fell asleep. The long awaited crochet moment had finally come.

And you know what?

I did not want it.

I did not want to spend my limited quiet moments with my fingers tangled in yarn.

Dallin H. Oaks once taught that in life "we have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families."

There are a lot of good things in life that I love. Sometimes they come in the form of cute crocheted bracelets, homemade sprinkles, and freshly painted walls. When I focus primarily on the good things, my eyes become blinded to the best things that life has to offer. Things like kindergarten self portraits,

kisses from yogurt covered faces,

shaving cream truck parties,

chair made trains (by CJ) to ride,

imaginative puppet shows to watch,

and moments to study the scriptures and pray - individually and together as a family.

I am learning that I appreciate the best things in life more when I voluntarily limit the commitments I make and the projects I pursue.

Maintaining a house of order, raising respectful boys in an imaginative environment, and nourishing those around me is a very demanding full-time job. Life as a mother is an eternal marathon... and the act of treading water, upholding unrealistic expectations, and putting on a facade is exhausting - mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. Sacrificing my basic needs (sleep, healthy food, water consumption, and quiet time to study and pray) in pursuit of the good things is not the best way to live. Saying no - to the good things of life - is an art. An art that allows us to enjoy life more fully and embrace the best within us.

One day I hope to have my fingers tangled in yarn with homemade sprinkles and freshly painted accent walls... but today, I am learning to say no to the things that prevent me from enjoying the best things life has to offer.

'

Talk to me.

Do you find it hard to say no to the good things in life?

purpose and beauty

I have struggled with finding purpose within motherhood.

I know that motherhood is important... and my kids are the center of my universe, but I find myself always wanting more.

I want to be more.
do more.
accomplish more.

The more I sit and think about it, the more I realize that maybe my purpose right now is to beautify. Beautify my writing, my patience, my discipline, my relationships, my home, my life... and learn to laugh more alone the way.

Beautify.
My new purpose and goal.

GOAL: I want to create a beautiful life for my kids my husband and those who surround me.

fashion: according to cj

Perfect outfit for any occasion:

saggy diaper, half of a Spiderman costume, tennis shoes, and a snow hat.

After six failed attempt to put some pants on this kid, I gave up.
I will not be held responsible for crushing a future fashion creative genius.

just another day in paradise

there is nothing.

(i repeat)

absolutely nothing that compares to waking from a deep sleep to discover a sleepwalking child urinating on your carpet... next to your bed.

and then while cleaning the carpet, another child wakes with complaints of an itchy bum... and his screams wake the not-so-baby CJ.

and when the itchy bum problem is solved and the baby is sleeping, you discover the sleep walking child half-dressed in clean clothes on the floor asleep... next to his dresser.

all while wondering why I tried so hard to get to bed early tonight.

"Well, it's ok. It's so nice
It's just another day in paradise
Well, there's no place that
I'd rather be
Well, it's two hearts
And one dream
I wouldn't trade it for anything
And I ask the Lord every night
For just another day in paradise"

-Phil Vasser

everything

There are a lot of things in life that demand my attention.
A lot.
And as I try my best to do it all - I am learning that I do not want to do it all.



I don't want to do everything and be everything.
And I am learning (slowly) to be okay with that.



Learning to slow my life down is hard. The process of readjusting personal expectations and goals can be heart-wrenching. I am learning to say no more often - to myself and others.

Cleaning up my life from non-important commitments and unrealistic expectations is a tough expedition. The more I try to not be everything, the more my brain tells me I should. I really should write more, finish my book, paint my walls, sew that Easter basket, write those notes, return those calls, study my scriptures more, mop my floor daily, scrub those toilets, exercise more often, bake my own bread, fold the laundry, volunteer at school every week, and somehow find time to play with my kids more.

My mental I-should-do-that list distracts me from everything that is waiting at the table for me.



Everything I want and everything I need is waiting for me.
All I have to do is open my heart (and mouth).



Love, magic, and joy await....
but sometimes my eyes are blinded by the "shoulds."



I am beginning to believe that the secret to everything is availability - mentally and emotionally.
I want everything that motherhood has to offer.
I want it smeared all over my face, in my mouth, and deep within my heart.

When a woman understands that one of the greatest gifts she will ever receive from her creator is to have the opportunity to touch eternity through artfully nurturing the mind, heart and soul of a child, whose life will have implications for all of eternity, her life joins in kingdom purposes with God.

- Sally Clarkson

-- I really want to start a Mom Heart group. Anyone seriously interested?
-- I love this post about Quitting. I want to be a quitter.
-- I want more jewels around my neck.
-- And I love this reminder from Thomas S. Monson. I am printing this out and hanging it all over my house. Today.

boots that kill

Long ago, in a land far away, we met an amazing family. A family with twin boys... two devious boys. As stories were shared about their childhood and the hidden wardrobes in vents, sink and toilet floods, and duct taped diapers - I was always impressed with their honesty and sense of humor.

In that moment, I decided to enjoy my kids a little more. I want to enjoy them - every single creative action - more. And while I may not laugh during the moment - no positive reinforcement for negative behavior going on here - I definitely laugh later.

Sometimes I worry that this blog does not highlight the many good things my boys do. While my boys are adventurous and creative, they are also very sweet and extremely sympathetic. I desperately want to remember both. I want this blog to reflect what motherhood really is like for me, the ups and the downs.


When a small spider was found on the floor and the two younger boys started freaking out, Conner bravely ran for his boots. His "boots that kill." After Conner smashed the spider to death, he stood up and kissed his scared brothers and reassured them that everything was going to be okay.

Little boys are simply amazing. Rough and sweet... all at the same time.

St. Patrick's Day

Last year, the boys and I built an "Apricot Trap."
We caught an apricot and spent the day cutting the green grass with kid scissors.


This year, we decided to catch a leprechaun.
Leprechauns and apricots, as you may know, are two entirely different creatures.
To catch a leprechaun, we needed all the Lego strength we could gather.





Police men with fire axes were positioned at the ready.





Empty containers of gum crammed full with tortilla chips.
Notes telling the leprechauns to "go in" were taped next to doors and windows.
And dangerous traps were disguised as animals and trucks and Lego rockets.





Once the traps were built and ready, magical green smiley faces were drawn on foreheads to protect us from the leprechauns that might pinch us (and wake us up) in the middle of the night.






We woke up and found that although our traps failed to catch a real life leprechaun, the leprechauns left us a little treat.
We love our leprechauns.



We celebrated our day with green shaves, green baths, broccoli, and splashing in puddles of water.
Over all - leprechaun day rocked.

pine cone destruction

Pine cones - check.
Hot glue gun - check.
Googly eyes - check.

pine cone tower - built.
pine cone people - made.
pine cone cannon - functional.

The residents of pine cone tower were enjoying a peaceful afternoon when the villainous Dr. Pine transformed into a gun. A gun that mutilated and destroyed pine cone life as we know it...

Pine cone cannons and guns? Definitely not my idea.

pick your battles, showers, and shaving cream

It was three o'clock in the afternoon.
I had yet to shower and brush my teeth.
CJ was sleeping and the older boys were playing Lego's.

I silently slipped into the shower and amid the hot water, I heard my name.
I allowed the hot water, soap, and razor to take precedence by simply ignoring the call.

Ten minutes later, I walk out of my bedroom into the kitchen and find.....




boys covered in shaving cream.




I took a deep breath and decided to pick my battles. Shaving cream parties held on the kitchen counter are not worth fighting... especially after a long glorious afternoon shower.

I took pictures and we all laughed.
The shaving cream counter party was followed by a 45 minute bath tub party.

so.
worth.
the.
clean.
up.


And if I am completely honest with you (which I am) there is a high probability that the shaving cream counter party will happen again this afternoon. This mama wants to take a shower :)

first testimony..

Conner bore his first testimony at church on Sunday. He walked in front of all of the people, stood up to the microphone, and spoke without mom or dad to help him.

He talked about his love for prayer and his faith that Heavenly Father and Jesus hear and answer our prayers. He bore witness that prayer provides strength. And ended.

It was simply beautiful.

He sat down again and wanted to go back up again. He said that he had more to say. I told him that he needed to wait until next month.

I am so proud of Conner and the little man he is becoming. I am so proud of his faith, obedience, and desire to do what is right. I love my little man.

this i know...

1. Quick trips to Costco are never quick.

2. The parenting rule to never pick up an intentionally dropped toy at the grocery store is very hard to enforce.

3. Soft basketballs are never good shopping buddies for the toddler.

4. Screaming competitions between the boys are never a welcomed sound.. especially at Costco.

5. Walking backwards around Costco is highly entertaining for the Caleb.

6. Standing in the cart and enjoying the ride is fun for CJ.... especially when the cart stops quickly and your head lands on a large bag of cheese.

7. Hanging onto the cart, climbing the cart, and riding the cart while standing backwards is far more enjoyable than the sport of tree climbing to Conner.

8. Fellow shoppers love to pick up the tossed basketball, smile, laugh, and talk to CJ.

9. CJ likes attention.

10. Caleb likes attention too.

11. Big brothers who teach little brothers to disobey mom need bummer time.... even in the grocery store.

12. When living in Utah, church materials for specific lessons need to be purchased months in advance.

13. Strawberries always make me happy... even after stressful shopping trips.

14. Next week, the boys and I will visit Costco again.

15. And when the nice lady at checkout reminds me that kids grow up quickly... I will assure her that I am enjoying every moment of motherhood as much as possible.

Monday Monday...

1. The front wheel of the bike trailer/jogging stroller fell off during my morning walk with the younger boys.

2. During a church meeting at my house, CJ decided that it would be cool to drink water from the humidifier. When I discovered what he was doing, I gave him a cup of water. A cup that was quickly dumped into the humidifier and slurped with fingers and one eager tongue.

3. During that same church meeting at my house, Caleb decided that it was time to get naked and yell for a bath. He stood in the bathtub (naked) calling my name until the warm water started flowing.

4. CJ spilled three bowls of cereal, one plate of pasta, and a kiddie sized bowl of food on the kitchen floor. I mopped more than once today.

5. Played kid cranium fifty billion times.

6. Explained why unborn babies are situated upside down inside of their mommy's tummy.

7. Avoided explaining how unborn babies emerge from their mommy's tummy.

8. Played multiple versions of Duck Duck Goose.

9. Cleaned up Lego's... all day long.

10. Found a surprise love note from Conner.

Monday Monday, so good to me,
Monday Monday, it was all I hoped it would be

flexibility

Every day is Halloween in the world of CJ.



The orange Halloween pumpkin is filled with pretzels, granola bars, tortilla chips, and cars.
And CJ will not leave home with out it.

Our little orange pumpkin visits the park, the library, the store, and even the bathroom with us.
And I love it.





Flexibility comes in many shapes and sizes. Sometimes flexibility comes in the form of last minute homework assignments or late nights at the office, family emergencies or the last minute babysitter crisis, long waits with kids or celebrating Halloween for six months. Regardless of it's shape and form - we are inspired by flexibility and it's ability to create deeper bonds of love and trust.


But all too often, we forget to be flexible with ourselves.
Dishes, to-do lists, and expectations are easily dismissed for others... and never for ourselves.


Wednesday nights are writing nights. I pack the lap top, character sketches, and water bottles. I drive to the library, visit the YA section, and find a table. Three glorious hours are mine to write with no interruptions... and I love it.


As much as I love it, it is really hard to leave the sink of dishes, laundry, and crumbs on the floor... and last night was no exception. Instead of writing last night, I did the dishes, ran some errands, edited neuroscience papers, and felt guilty. Guilty that my desires to write diminish my willingness to be flexible all of the time.


Elastics are designed to be flexible and stretch... but when pulled too hard they snap.


I am learning that too much flexibility in my life results in my inability to stretch at all. Putting the dishes, the laundry, and the needs of those around me as priority all of the time is not healthy.


Maybe motherhood is not about learning to be flexible all of the time.
Maybe motherhood is about learning when to stretch and when to say no.
Maybe motherhood is about learning to be flexible towards my goals.
And maybe motherhood is about learning to embrace and honor my limitations.


What do you think?
How would you define motherhood flexibility?