guilt and atonement

Guilt blinds us to the love of our Savior.  Decreasing our happiness and faithfulness, with guilt things will never be good enough.  The art of self transformation is a good thing - but not when the guilt eliminates our ability to celebrate our accomplishments and growth.


Rather than holding on to guilt, celebrate the atonement.


I am imperfect today - yes.
I will make mistakes today - yes.
But regardless, I will celebrate.  My Savior conquered all and has saved me from the fall.  I can find joy in my infirmities because they bring me closer to Him. 

Embracing the atonement is a daily act of worship. 

dreaming big

I have a lot of big dreams for the future.  Dreams that involve Disney Land, more babies, a steady paycheck, and writing.

Dreaming is good.
Necessary.
Inspiring.

Among the pile of dreams lies the opportunity to embrace the present moment.  The moment that holds no vacation plans, no pregnancies, PhD school income, and limited time to write.  Sometimes the thrill of the books and Mickey Mouse distract me from the dream that means the most to me - the act of raising three incredible boys.

And, that dream?
I am living it every day.

Tuesday's List

1. Caleb urinated in the sandbox.
2. Conner informed me that he is "kind of studying the brain."
3. CJ learned how to make little "boom boom chh boom boom chh" rap sounds. He walks around the house rapping.
4. Nate finished his second semester of PhD school.
5. I am so grateful to be a mother.

necessary time outs

To the ambitious Colton James, a solitary kitchen chair is the ultimate key to the universe.

Hot eggs in a pan, water from the sink, and light switches are instantly obtainable when a friendly chair is pushed across the house to the premeditated destination. To make a long story short, the key to the universe has been put in a temporary time out. Chairs locked away in the spare bedroom create a safer environment for the adventurous toddler... and I can finally brush my teeth in peace once again.

Sometimes I find myself believing that the ultimate key to the universe is found in greatness. In my mind, greatness requires exceptional creativity, supreme mothering skills, and unquestioned reliability for my friends and family.

I have driven my child to school in his underwear when he refused (for two hours) to get dressed for school. Occasionally the television allows me to write for a couple minutes. And sometimes I leave important messages for friends on the wrong answering machine.

The gap between the person I am today and the person I wish to become is wide. I am far from the greatness I wish to embrace. Haunting my brain, the everlasting gap makes me question my ability to ever forge the distance and embrace greatness.

In these moments, Nate often reminds me to "flip the coin" and to embrace the other side of the puzzle. There is no pre-designed measure of greatness...only greatness. Each of us - in our own respected sphere - has the ability to define greatness through our efforts to give our best each and every day.

Locking away our obsessive self-doubts, criticism, and guilt into an everlasting time out is a challenging feat - one that requires supreme strength and effort. Learning to love ourselves - despite our weaknesses - is the true key to the universe. Great heights will never be attained when we are marinating in an emotionally harmful environment.

Take a step up and lock away the self-doubt.
Greatness is waiting for you.