During recess, Conner was introduced to a whole new world of fart noises.
Arm pits make farts.
So cool.
Conner came home from school happy.
Excited, energetic, and anxious for his chance to "cut the cheese" with something other than his rectum.
I couldn't get him to settle down.
I couldn't get him to focus on his homework.
What else matters in a world that now offers arm pit farts?
Like any good mom, I started offering bribes I knew he couldn't resist.
Completed homework deserves an extensive arm pit fart tutorial... right?
I thought it was a great idea.
And so did Conner.
He focused on his homework and had it done in record time.
The only problem?
I have no idea how to properly perform an arm pit fart.
So, we started checking ehow, youtube, and pinterest.
His shirt came flying off and we began practicing.
Cupped hands, dry and clean, placed under the arm pit... how hard can it be?
I am here to tell you that it is hard.
Very hard.
Disappointment saturated the air with each unsuccessful attempt of axillary flatulence.
Insert motherly failure here.
Because "cool moms" know how to rip one in their arm pit...
We are still practicing.
But I learned a very important lesson.
Never ever ever make arm pit promises to little boys.... Period.
But for now?
Conner's modified goal is to keep calm and fart.
And I am totally okay with that.
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