We lost a soon-to-be-born cousin, a grandfather, and a grandmother. Amongst all of the funerals and family moments, I became caught up in my own grief and the grief of others... and I started to forget the joys in life.
I stopped blogging for a lot of reasons. Number one, it is so easy for me to compare myself to you. You, all of you, are beyond amazing... and when I am not careful with my thoughts, I start to believe that your amazing-ness decreases my ability to be amazing. I thought that running away from blogging would incinerate my thoughts of inadequacy, but I was wrong. Sitting by my grandmother's bed for the last time on Monday, she reminded me that life is fun... and if it is not fun, I am living it wrong.
She gave me the courage to (amongst all my personal doubts about myself) redeem my one time only voucher to undelete my blog for free.
And she motivated me to re-dedicate my life to finding the adventures in life. All too often, I catch myself obsessing about the ways in which I am not perfect. I thought that once I wrote that book, sewed that whatever, lost those pounds, or painted the front room - my life would be fun again. I continued to procrastinate the day I would allow myself time to paint my nails, watch a movie, or play a game of Killer Bunnies. Fun can wait... right?
I was wrong.
Joy and happiness come from attitude.
And I am re-dedicating my life to the adventures that await.
... and I am dedicating this blog to document the moments that make me smile.
Re-dedicating myself to enjoying those joyful moments a little bit more. The moments to stand up and shine.
The moments spent standing in the background silently applauding with your presence... while trying to not smile my entire face off because I am so incredibly proud of my kids.
The yogurt that is smeared all over CJ's body. This boy does not moisturize... he probiotic-izes.
The hills to sled down.
The days to mourn and say good bye to those you love.
The shoulders to sit on and big yellow signs to hold.
The handsome brothers to welcome home.
The uncles-that-would-rather-be-Santa.... and still ask me what I want for Christmas.
The excitement of Christmas mornings.
(and watching your children love the gift you made... isn't the Lego table awesome?)
The comfortable socks to wear from Japan.
The incredibly cute babies to kiss
The head lamps to wear - day and night - for an entire three days straight.
The silent Lego competitions to observe.
The cute half-naked-baby-wearing-my-shoes moments
The nerf gun planes that hide all of my phones.... and then they die in a mysterious location.
The daddy shoes to hold during long car rides.
The books to read.
The smiley cheeks to kiss.... even if the kisses are removed with a five-year-old-hand-wipe.
The paint your nose-red-and-sing moments.
The gingerbread houses to build.
The daddy built Saturday morning Pirate Lego ships.
The love letters to write.
And the love letters to receive.
Life can be one long love letter... if we choose to live our life that way.
Dear Life,
I love you. Thank you for your many miracles. Thank you for the times you make me laugh... and thank you for the times I cry. Thank you for the joy you provide.
XOXO
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