1. The boys are content riding in the mini van. My fingers gently (and very carefully) switch the radio from Imagination Movers to Taylor Swift.
2. Happiness is when the boys fail to notice that the radio is no longer singing about "what's in the fridge."
3. Motherhood bliss is listening to REAL music. Music about love and breakups and cowboys.
4. Syncopated rhythms tickle my ear drums and I am in mini van heaven. Momentarily, I forget my surroundings and my kids and my responsibilities. I am just an ordinary girl singing in the minivan with absolutely no stress or worries.
5. And then someone in the back seat vomits.
6. Yep. Vomits lands all over their body. Heaven begins to smell like the hot dogs the kids ate for lunch... only more acidic.
7. Inhale.
8. Exhale.
9. I begin bracing myself because I know that someone is going to start screaming. Right now. In my ear. As I navigate multiple lanes of freeway traffic.
10. In place of screaming, little boy laughter explodes like a firework from the back seat.
11. Blinkers flash and brake lights ignite. The sliding door to the van flies open to reveal a very happy CJ adorned in a very thin layer of hot dog and carrot chunks swimming in acidic saliva-water. Yum.
12. BURP! Someone (Conner) in the back seat lets out a big burp. His fist is shoved in the back of his mouth and he is laughing. very. hard.
13. BURP! Mr. Caleb decides to join the party with his knuckles pressed against the roof of his mouth he is laughing. like. never. before.
14. BURP! CJ lets out another amazing burp. His fist is half way down his throat and his face is red with laughter and he. can. not. stop. laughing.
15. Van door slams shut and I fall to the ground (in an attempt) to hide the laughter. It is nearly impossible to discipline my kids when everyone is out-of-control-laughing.
16. Vomit and self-inflicted burps are never funny. Shoving your fist down your throat to stimulate earth shattering burps may be fun... but eventually someone is going to vomit.
17. I strapped on my serious face and told the boys to stop. I told them that while inducing unnatural burps with your gag reflex may be fun, it is never worth the risk of making yourself sick.
18. Taylor Swift and Lee Brice and my all my radio friends were waiting for me when I revved the engine back to life.
Moral of the Story:
REAL music encourages scientific discoveries.
Childhood creativity is sparked by REAL music.
For the benefit of my children (and society) I will listen to REAL music from now on.
My boys should know and understand how to use a barf bag.
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