sometimes you have to slow down to be more

I have an excel sheet tucked away in my files.
An excel sheet that rules my life with schedules and chore charts and budgets and meal planning.

It kind of rules my life.
And I am not okay with that.

I watch amazing women that have incredible talents.  They cook amazing dishes, keep immaculate houses, iron their husbands shirts, and somehow still have time for me.  And I wonder how they have the time.  I convince myself that I must be lazy.  I need to try harder. 

Viola!  Here comes the excel sheet.
With categorized highlighted boxes that sing "You can do it all Angie."

I hate that melody.
Because I can not do it all.
And I do not want to... either.

As mothers and wives and neighbors and friends... why do we naturally feel jeopardized if someone else can do something that we can not?  Why do we worry so much about what other people think about our parenting capabilities, our lifestyle, and our choices?  So much of my life has been dedicated to putting on a strong front.  One that screams "Hello, my name is Angie and I can do it all."

I hate putting on a front and competing.
I hate hiding who I really am.
And I hate looking at the women around me with fear that I do not measure up.

Competing is more than just trying to be better than someone else.  Competing thrives on contention, jealousy, and bitterness.  It destroys happiness, creativity, charity, and joy.   

"We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives.  We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us.  We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something.  We have to learn to be content with what we are."

- Marjorie Pay Hinckley 

I love her words.
Find the courage to embrace your own pace.
Stop trying to prove something.
Be content with who you are today.

When I focus on the things I can not do, I miss the joy of acknowledging the things that I can do.  Comparing and competing has to stop if I am ever going to find contentment with who I am deep down.  Finding my own pace requires courage because it involves learning to say "no."   

I am working on constructing imaginary walls inside my brain.  Walls that prohibit my thoughts from dwelling upon what other people think or say about me.  I am learning to be more content with who I am right now.  And I am learning to slow down and find my own pace.  A pace that allows a little more time for naps and books and pajamas and "mom write time." And instead of competing, I am learning to express more gratitude for the talents of other individuals that bless my life.

I know that greatest gift I can give the world is an understanding and charitable heart.  A heart that always looks for the best in those I come in contact with.  And I want to be more of that person.  I want to rid my soul of the competitive-want-to-be-super-mom-excel person that I was becoming.    

Nelson Mandela once said that when we let our light shine, we unconsciously give the people around us permission to let their light shine as well.

I dare you to stand out and let your true light shine.  Give yourself and the women around you permission to be broken and imperfect and honest.... it will change the world.