being me

I have this lie in my head that tells me that I will be a good mother when:

• I learn to sew
• I spend more time crafting
• I play on the floor more with my kids
• My house is perfectly clean
• Lose weight
• And I stop thinking about myself so darn much...

Can anyone else relate?

So as a result, I push away from who I am deep down.  I run away from the things that make me happy and I focus on becoming that template "super mom" that are seen running around on blogs and pinterest.

And then life really starts to stink.

I lose my ability to have fun, because there is so much racing around to do.
I need to do more, be more, have more...

And that feeling never creates happiness.

When I take a step away from the person I think I am supposed to be and I actually start becoming the person that I am deep down, I am more happy.  Colors are more vivid and life is more complete.  For a long time, I have believed that my desires to write stories, my compiled Word documents, and the stacks of books on the book shelf equate to selfishness.  I try to give into the things I love, but the guilt topples me over.  Voices inside my head scream words that sound something like, "If you really loved your kids, you wouldn't be spending so much time pursuing anything else."   

Taking steps away from the person I think I should be and embracing who I am deep down is powerful.  Ignoring the guilt and the self-criticism is hard... but necessary.  Because for too long, I ran around trying to be a cookie-cutter of someone that I am not - and it did not make me happy.

Imaginary worlds with fictional characters and their stories opens my heart.  I think it is crazy... and I don't understand why, but it does.  When I allow myself time to embrace those worlds, my heart opens wider and I love deeper because it is who I truly am deep down.  The best part is that my boys love my stories too.

The "super mom" that my kids need me to be has been inside me all along - I just didn't know that she looked just like me.

I really believe that the majority of kids do not care how creative or amazing their mom is - kids simply want to be loved... unconditionally.  I am learning that to love in this way, I need to be centered in my beliefs about who I am.  I love deeper and more fully when I allow myself to be me. 

To love more fully, Angie needs time to be alone, to experience quietness and peace.  I need time to write and embrace the things that make me happy outside of being a mother, and I am more me when I have this time. 

And the amazing thing?
When I take time for me - the house cleans up faster, the kids cooperate more, and I am 100% happy.


Repeat after me:

"Bringing my best self to the world is important.  The world needs me to be me.  I can do good things for myself and those around me at the same time."