The Mother I Want to Be

As I dressed Conner in his church clothes this morning, I was taken by surprise. Conner's mannerisms, personality, and body build are no longer that of a toddler but rather that of a little man.

As I reflect upon the four years we have shared together, I am filled with the desire to somehow start all over. Knowing what I know now, there are mistakes I would not make again and hours that I would not spend worrying. I would have spent more time holding and loving my babies and less time worrying about creating bad habits, my body image, or my social status.

But the truth is, I would still make mistakes. If I was allowed the amazing opportunity to start this journey of motherhood anew, I would still spend too much time worrying and I would most definitely fall short of the mother I want to be.

Regardless of what I do, I will always fall short of the mother I want to be when I attempt to do it all by myself.

But the joy is found when I acknowledge that motherhood was not intended to be a solo plight. Jesus Christ is there with His arms outstretched ready to help me every step of the way. Through His constant love and tutelage, I can become the mother I was created to be.

Through His love, I can better meet the needs of my children, husband, family, and friends.


I just have to reach upwards, towards Him.


Sometimes it is hard to remember to make time in my day for Him. Overwhelming to-do lists, the constant needs of my children, and exhaustion all have a way of distracting me from the most important relationship I have - my relationship with my Savior.

My friend sent me an e-mail this week that reminded me of how important this relationship is. In her e-mail she said:

"I remember distinctly being in your phase of life and deciding that I needed a short list of what my goals for the day would be. I decided if I accomplished scripture reading and family prayer, it was a good day. I still have to remind myself of that sometimes."

I am so grateful for her reminder.

My life has an innate way of complicating itself. Most of the complication is really not necessary and the majority of it is self-inflicted.

I have found when I hold onto the Savior and strive to live in simplicity, things have a way of resolving themselves. The Savior's unconditional love reminds me that it is okay to be imperfect and He renews my ability to unselfishly serve my children. His unconditional love blesses me with more patience and He generously fills in the gaps when I can't possibly give or be more.

By reaching up to His outstreatched arms, He will lead me, guide me, and walk beside me. He will help me find the way to be the mother I want to be.