Kindergarten Kindergarten Kindergarten

Conner had his first day of kindergarten today.
His teacher's name is Mrs. Black.
His number is 13.
His symbol is a chick.
He has a blue notebook that holds his important homework.


Class starts at 9:15 am.
He hangs his backpack up and sits at his seat.
He plays on the playground during break.


School is pretty awesome.


For a long time I planned to homeschool my kids. I researched curriculum, studied the philosophies, and joined homeschool groups. I made homeschool notebooks, folders, and activities. I scheduled my days, planned out the minutes, and bookmarked songs on youtube.


All of my personal goals, desires, and thoughts began to revolve around my decision to keep my kids at home. My self image was knitted in homeschooling. I began the process to enroll Conner in an online homeschool program known as K12. I met his teacher, completed the paperwork, and selected the courses we would take. I created homeschool lessons - and taught them while Colton removed his diaper and pranced around the house naked. I homeschooled during nap time, bed time, and everywhere in between.


I loved it... but something did not feel right.
It was demanding, and I could not keep up.


After much discussion, Nate and I decided that homeschooling was not right for Conner this year. I simply could not balance it. I did not have the energy, strength, or ability to homeschool my five-year-old, preschool my three-year-old, and simultaneously keep a diaper on my daring one-year-old who loves to dance on the kitchen table and play in the toilet. I could not do it all.


And at first I felt really guilty.
I should be able to do it all... right?


The answer is No.
No one can do it all and simultaneously maintain their sanity.


For a long time I felt guilty.
Guilty that I could not do more or be more for my child.
What kind of mother am I? Really?



I watched my child interact with his teacher, meet his classmates, and sit at his very own desk today. The big smile on his face erased all of my guilt. His joy taught me that the happiness of my family, and myself, is entirely dependent upon my ability to admit that I can not do it all.


Because sometimes trying to do it all - limits my ability to do anything at all.
Sometimes admitting that I can not do it all provides more balance, happiness, and joy... and I want more of that.

My name is Angie, and I am grateful that I can not do it all... more importantly I am grateful that I do not have to do it all.