Growing Pains

Conner and I visited various preschools a couple weeks ago.

There was one preschool that caught Conner's fancy, and he practically begged me to leave him there that day to play, by himself, all day.

Conner is growing up fast.

While I contemplate sending my baby out into the big world, it hurts. In all honesty, I would like to blame my apprehension upon the cost of preschool... when in reality, my apprehension is solely based upon the fact that my heart is breaking. What am I going to do without my little man during those four hours every week?

How do you prepare your kids to face the big world... even if just for a couple hours a week?

As I think about motherhood, and how some days seem to drag on into eternity... I am beginning to realize just how quickly the days are passing. I want my kiddos to remember the good days and the happy moments... opposed to the "bummer times" and sad moments. There are so many things I want my kids to know and understand... so many memories I hope to have ingrained into their cute little heads.

When I look back to my childhood, I remember how loved I felt in my mom's arms after I woke up from a nap. I remember my dad singing silly songs in his old Datsun. I remember trying to give my dad a "high-five" without him catching my hand. I remember my brothers and how fun it was to play with them... even if they did not appreciate my Barbies.

When I look into my kid's faces, I often wonder just what they will remember about me. Will they remember the nights I sing while I make dinner... or will they remember the nights I get frustrated during dinner preparation?

Just in case my grown-up kids ever wonder, here are the things I try to do as a mother right now.

I kiss you more than you like. I can't help myself. Kissing your head is addicting. I am not sure I will ever outgrow my obsessive kissing tendencies. I should probably apologize for that right now, but I really do not want to.

I love nap time. Nap time is my favorite time of the day because I get to somewhat cuddle your toddler body... and I even sneak extra head kisses while you sleep.

I love to read to you.

I love our Friday-night-fort-night-tradition of building a fort in the family room and eating our dinner "picnic style."

I try to play the piano for you each night as you fall asleep in your bed. The music is not always perfect... but I hope it demonstrates my love for music.

I sing to you a lot. My voice is normally off-key from exhaustion and the words are often made up... but it makes my day when you start to sing with me.

I get really excited about art time with you. Art time often ends with your face covered in paint from mom's excitement.

Even though I am sometimes a "health-nut" mom... I love making treats with you. (They are healthy... I just don't tell you so.)

I really do like playing in mud with you... I just have to pretend otherwise or else it would end up EVERYWHERE. I hope I can contain my secret :)

I hate disciplining you. I don't think this is something you will understand until you are a parent, but I detest the moments in which I have to be firm. Even though it is painful, I keep reminding myself that one day you might thank me.

I love listening to you pray. You have taught me so much from the simple things you thank Heaven for. Thank you for sharing these sweet moments with me.

Your laugh is addicting... just like kissing your head. If I'm not trying to kiss you, you are most likely getting tickled. I hope to never forget that sound.

Overall, I hope you know that I love you from the bottom of my soul. My life would be incomplete without your presence. Even though your "growing up too fast" sometimes feels as if it is breaking my heart, I am so proud of each of you and your many accomplishments.

Love,

Mom