carrot induced smiles

"Hey Mom!  I know how to make Carlee smile."  Conner said from his position on the floor next to the baby bouncer.

"Yeah?  How is that?"  I asked, carefully looking up and putting the sharp knife down on the counter.

"Like this.  Hand me a carrot please?"  I practically threw one in his direction.  Conner begging for carrots?  This I had to see.

"You put a carrot in your mouth and chew like this."  He said in between bites.

"Then you open up wide."  He mumbled out behind the large carrot chunks.




I looked at Carlee.

Could it be?  Could she really enjoy the display of Conner's chewing fiesta?

Wait for it...

Yes!  Yes she loves the open-mouth-carrot-chewing display provided by her big brother Conner.
Conner loves to make his sister smile while I am even more excited about his new found respect for carrots.

sports fan

Little Carlee-Q is quite the sports fan.
Who cares about minuscule details like bedtime and sleep?
BYU is playing and dad's arms are awaiting.

Colton Says....

• Colton has a little crush on a girl named Maggie in his nursery class.  Yesterday, I overhead him singing the words to the song Call Me Maybe by Carly Ray Jepson.  He changed the lyrics to suit his purposes.  In his cute three-year-old voice he sang:  "Hey, I just met you. Here's my number. So call me Maggie."  
• During prayers one night Colton asked Heavenly Father to bless the disciples on the Death Star.
• When I was pregnant with Carlee, Colton was pregnant as well.  Sticking his tummy out, He would show off his "baby" for all to see.  Colton's baby has been born.  His baby's name is Water and his nickname is Ice.
• Water - otherwise known as "Ice" - was baptized this last week.  According to Colton, baby Ice was baptized "in a Banana.

haunting decisions

With a notarized paper in hand, I walked into the elementary school and un-enrolled my kids.
Happy Halloween!

The decision to homeschool my kids has been haunting.  I love the elementary school, the teachers, and the friends.  School itself has provided many opportunities for my children to grow and explore who they are.  But like a coin, there are always two sides to any story.

School life, has made family life very hard.  My kids cry and complain when it is time to leave for school because they want to be home with their brothers and baby sister.  Homework is a nightly challenge.  Bullying behavior and words are sashaying home to be repeated by the three-year-old.

And I get it.
I get that this is part of raising a family.

But... I don't get it.

I don't want to spend these awesome years with my children rushing them away from me and from each other.  Too many people have reminded me that these years with my kids will pass quickly and that I should enjoy them while I can.  Honestly, I don't enjoy my kids when I am too busy rushing them around.

I know that homeschooling isn't the answer for everyone.
Heck, it might not be a long-term answer for me.

But right now, homeschool is the answer for my little family.  And while the decision to homeschool has be incredibly haunting, I am oh-so-excited to stop rushing.  I am thrilled to slow down, read more books to my kids, perform science experiments at the kitchen table, and explore the world with the  little minds I love the most.  

five things...

1.  I thought and thought about homeschooling my kids this week.  I want them home with me.  After much consideration.... I think I am keeping them in school?  If I had my way, I would keep them home to play Candyland and Chutes and Ladders all day.

2.  "Did you know that Anakin's dad is dead, mom?"  Colton said with his eyes growing large.  "Really.  Really.  He is dead, mom."  What would life be like without Star Wars?

3.  "Getting my bum wiped is like playing 'Simon Says',"  Caleb said while leaning over to get his butt wiped.  Yeah, I think it is time for him to learn to wipe himself

4.  Conner is learning to pray in Chinese.  He is very excited that God can understand the language he is learning at school.

5.  Carlee is attentive and excited about the world around her.  The crazy, colicky phase is coming to an end.  Hallelujah!

Halloween

Two FBI agents.

 One spiderman/monkey/pirate.
One adorable lady bug.

  Pumpkin-carob pancakes

Drive around scavenger hunt looking for the trunk-or-treat.
Bean bag toss.

Answering the door.

Scary door steps and dogs.

Cute cards from great-grandma Stewart.

Trick-or-treating....

Halloween this year was a blast.  

Carlee's Baby Blessing

Five Things

1.  Carlee was blessed on Sunday, October 13th.  She didn't cry during the blessing.  It was wonderful.  After the chorus of "Amens," the men in the circle removed their hands too quickly and she almost collided to the floor.

NOTE TO THE BOYS:  When asked to stand in the circle to bless a baby, do not remove your hands until the father has stabilized the body with his own two hands.

NOTE TO CARLEE:  Dad caught you.  He loves you.  No mental harm will come to you from your almost fall... and if it does, you have my permission to blame it on your grandfathers.

2.  Colton asks Heavenly Father to "bless his star wars toys" each and every night.    


3.  Caleb is obsessed with being the "good boy."  When Colton and/or Conner disobey a rule, Caleb quickly pipes in with a "have I been a good boy today?"  Yes.   Yes you have.

Competing for goodness is a welcomed competition in my house.


4.  Mom included a fart joke in Conner's lunch box last week.  Bad idea.

Did you hear the joke about the fart?
It stinks!

According to Conner, everyone at the lunch table laughed and passed it around.  Conner was not pleased.   Apparently potty talk jokes are not allowed at school.  Conner was terrified that the principle would mistake mom's handwriting for his and then he would get in lots of trouble.  After a lengthy lecture, I promised to never include a joke in his lunchbox again.  So much for being the cool mom.

Maybe Caleb will like my potty talk jokes.


5.  Nate is officially on track to graduate next Summer.  The available neuroscience jobs span from the east to the west.  We are excited to discover what God has in store for our little family.

cougar crawl

Cascade Elementary organizes a fund-raising-cougar-crawl every fall.  The kids earn money to donate to the school and then they run around for it. If they reach their goal - the principle pours slim over his head.

Pretty fun if you ask me.

The boys loved running the field.  Caleb is one dedicated runner, Colton is a momma's boy, Conner was there for the fun, and Carlee was excited to catch up on some much needed sleep.

The boys slept really really good that night.
I fully embrace any activity that forces my boys to exert their energy outdoors.

Little Bud

"Hey mom, I don't want to get married anymore,"  Colton said while sitting on his little-boy-trike, breaking up the silence of the walk home from kindergarten.

"Yeah?  Why not?"  My body stopped to look down at Colton, my arms bouncing baby Carlee.

"Just cuz."

"But what about the Jedi temple?  I thought you wanted to get married there."

"I don't want to anymore."  His body rocked back and forth on his bike.

"Well, then, what do you want to do instead?"

"Stay home, eat your food, and play with your toys."  Colton's worried countenance turning into an upwards smile.

"Sounds good to me," I said with my fingers crossed.


Today, I am perfectly happy knowing that Colton wants to stay my little bud forever.

I want to get married - today - mom!

It was the long awaited day - Spencer and Teresa were finally tying the knot.
I was in the bathroom, brushing my teeth, when Colton found me with his major announcement.

"Mom!  I want to get married today."  He said with his arms folded tight against his chest.

"You do?  Who do you want to marry?"  I asked after spitting toothpaste over Carlee's two-week-old-newborn body into the sink.

"Teresa.  I want to marry Teresa."

"Well, Teresa is going to marry uncle Spencer today."

"No, she is noooot.  She is going to marry me."  He said with a defiant stomp of his foot.

"Really?  Why don't you call and ask her." I said while reaching for the phone.  After a brief conversation with his-bride-to-be, Colton realized that a marriage with Teresa just wasn't going to work out... today. Teresa loved Spencer in a I-want-to-kiss-you way more than she loved him.

"That's okay mom," Colton said while placing the phone back on the dresser, "today I will marry great-grandma."

The wedding plans have yet to be organized, but Colton is very excited about his bride-to-be.
And who can blame him?
Great-grandma Stewart is lots and lots of fun.

what a good week looks like...

Packed lunches boxes for the second grader were left at home three days this week.  Kindergarten lateness is happening more often than not.  Three-year-old exhaustion is making everything so much more dramatic.  Boogers and gas are intense for the two-month-old.  There is laundry to wash and spilled juice on the kitchen floor.

But.....

The boys have obsessively picked every dandelion in the yard for me.  Pictures from school have come home with love notes addressed to mom.  There has been an abundance of smiles and silly jokes, bed time snuggles, and naps in my bed. 

Life right now is crazy and anything but picture perfect - which is totally fine with me.  I am not a big fan of the picture perfect life.  Standing still to hold a pose has never been "my thing."

The younger boys want to practice cutting paper with scissors and later we might make pumpkin bread.  The baby likes to bounce and talk and hates anything productive.  Books and manuscripts along with a mug of hot cinnamon are calling my name.   

This is what a good week looks like.... and I love it. 

what I wish I could say and learn for myself

"I should be over more."
"I am a bad neighbor, I should help you out more."
"I should have come helped you with your kids."

Something about having a new baby brings all the shoulds to surface in the neighborhood.  I am constantly confronted by neighbors with obsessive apologies about not being "there" for me despite the meals, boxes of diapers, and gifts that have flooded my house and heart with their love. 

And I wish that I was bold enough to say:

"Stop apologizing.  You are amazing.  Your gifts, love, and hugs mean the world to me.  And to be honest, I am introverted.  I am particular and ultra-picky and I like my space and my food.  My kids aren't that stressful and if I needed help I would have called.  You would only need to apologize if you were in my space - every day - holding my baby when all I wanted to do was snuggle up in my bed with my family and close the curtains to the world.  All I need from you is your love.  Please talk to me when I see you, ask me how things are going, and if it looks like my emotions are on edge... please give me a hug.  That is what I really need from you."

Their apologies make me sad.  Maybe I haven't been honest enough about who I am and what my expectations of the world are.  Either way, the stress of their carried shoulds are worthless because they are not what I need.

Turn the table.

Today has been a crazy one.  Long trains of wrapping paper cover my carpet because my three-year-old decided that a sword fight with the cardboard tubes would be fun.  Corner time-out time has happened more than usual.  And it took me three hours to shower and get ready for the day.

Deep breath.

Looking around my house, I should really dig in and tackle the dishes.  Mildew clothes in the washing machine are not my chosen brand of potpourri.  And I do not need to crochet some cute headbands for baby girl.  I want to give my boys some undivided attention and I need to sit down and just hold my baby for a couple of minutes.

Holy moly.

The shoulds of life are everywhere, like a mosquito preying on life-giving energy - they suck away my ability to feel happy and content with my life.  They make me feel like my best is never enough and that I am never doing the right thing with my time.   

And like my friends, I spend my time running from one thing to the next trying to conquer the never ending list of shoulds life creates.  And more often than not, the shoulds of life do not serve and create happiness.  They often hurt myself, my family, and others.

I should not sew baby blanket gifts for people if sewing does not make me happy.  I should not volunteer at school every week if the stress of it - with a newborn - is too much.  I should not have a picture perfect home with four kids.  I need to ditch the shoulds, start a load of laundry and cuddle my kids.


 And I think I am bold enough to finally say:


"Stop apologizing Angie.  Just love and hug your kids. Introverted-ness is okay.  You have permission to enjoy your space.  It is empowering to ask for help.  Slow down, hold your family, and make time for the things that put a smile on your face - it will make your family happier too.  Love. Love. Love.  It's okay to break down.  Ditch the shoulds and embrace the now.  Who you are now, right now - this very minute - is more than enough."


Who I am right now is more than enough - say three times and repeat.


And by the way, you are more than enough too.
What would you do, right now, without the weight of the shoulds holding you back?

--image source

if you ever wonder...

Dear Carlee,

I am saving these pictures in case you ever question the love of your mother and father.

Yes, my darling.
We cleaned your mess off your back, bum, hair, arms, and stomach.
It traveled that far.

And then we cleaned it off of Dad's tummy, shirt, and pants.

And trust me - we didn't yell at you or get mad at you for it.
Poop happens.
We understand that.

But - for the record - we did get mad at your brothers while we cleaned your mess up.
They didn't need sharpened pencils for homework or permission to dance on the stove top while we took care of you.

See how you already rule the house?
You have all of us wrapped around your pretty finger.

Don't you ever forget that.

Love,

Mom and Dad
 XOXO

answered prayers

Grocery shopping had never felt so incredibly wonderful.  Earlier in the morning, the walls had started to close in.  Anxious and starving for the outside world, I packed the kids in the car and drove to Costco - otherwise known as the hip-moma-morning-hang-out location.

The toilet paper section is where the whole out-of-the-house scenerio began to seriously stink.   Carlee wasn't too happy in the baby-carry-wrap and Caleb was frustrated with his situation in the grocery cart when Colton decided it was time to smash his head against the hard concrete floor.  The echo of his head was monumental.  Why-oh-why do I only have two arms??

Bending down to check Colton's head and eyeballs, Carlee lost it.
Two kids screaming in the grocery store at the same time is not as fun as it looks.

Simultaneously bouncing the seven-week-old-Carlee, holding Colton against my leg, and helping Caleb out of the grocery cart is not relaxing.  It is stressful.  Quietly, I uttered a prayer of desperation that sounded something like this:

Please.  Please.  Send me help.  I don't know what I was thinking when I decided to venture outside of my house alone.   Obviously, I wasn't thinking.  I promise to never do it again.  Just please send me some help.     

Twisting around the corner, Nate's sister Kara appeared out of thin air.  Within minutes, the amazing Aunt Kara had put a smile on every one's face once again - including my own.  Walking away with cellphones in hand, she promised to answer if an emergency erupted again.  Boxes of diapers collided with loaves of bread and packages of raspberries almost tumbled to the ground while we bounced around the store.  Thirty seconds later, another friend appeared offering to help.  And then while waiting in line, another friend appeared again.

I am amazed at God's generosity.


As I have thought about my grocery store experience, I have been overwhelmed with all the goodness God has sent me.

The cute baby girl toes nails to paint.

 

The miraculous drive to Wolf Creek Mountain without one solid scream from the little girl that 

hates her car seat more than I hate spiders.  It made our mini-vacation so much more enjoyable.

A sense of humor to make the rainy days bright. 

Football naps in daddy's arms.
Go BYU!



 Little boy hugs and loves.




The boys that willingly get in and help when I need it.

Sometimes we eat lunch in the van.
And sometimes that lunch is a piece of bread with raspberries smashed in between.

Sometimes homework doesn't happen.
And sometimes we run out of clean underwear.

Life with four kids is sometimes crazy and always beautiful.
With lots of love smashed in between.

And I am grateful for God and His goodness.
He makes life better - all the time. 

help me obi-wan!

"Mom, was Yoda adopted?"  Conner asked while sitting at the kitchen table.

"No, I don't think so... why?"  My hands quickly flipped another round of Quesidillas while Carlee screamed from her chair.

"Well, its just that we never see Yoda's mom in any of the movies."  Noting the concern in his face, I walked away from the quesadillas to look him in the eye.  If this is important to his seven year-old mind, I can try take it seriously too.

"And that means he is adopted.... because?"

"If we don't see her, then she isn't real."

"Well, you don't see me when you are at school but that doesn't mean I am not real."

"Well... I want to see her."

"Well, she wasn't in the movie so we can't."

"If she put Yoda up for adoption do you think another family like ours would adopt him?"

"Sure, I guess so."

"Well, then who is his adopted mother?  Does he have any brothers and sister?"  His head rested in his hands, worry crinkled in his eyes.

"Sure, I imagine he would."

"But who are they?"

"I don't know bud - I am sorry."

"But I just want to know."  His fists pounded against the table in frustration.

"I am sorry dude.  You are just going to have to read all the Star Wars books to find out."

"But I want to know right now."

"I know you do, dude."  My fingers ruffled his hair as I returned to the art of quesadilla filling and flipping.

"Maybe dad knows.  He knows everything about Star Wars."


Twenty minutes later, Nate walked in the door to a house full of Star Wars uncertainty.  Before he could remove his shoes and take a breath, star wars questions began attacking him from all angles.  Sitting back in my chair to nurse a very upset baby, super dad did his best to "calm the waters."  The storm - for the mean time - has passed.  But it is only a matter of time before the flood waters begin to descend once again.

"Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, your my only hope!"

jedi temples are not funny

Afternoon walks to kindergarten are full of emotion.

Mr. Caleb walks a little taller with his chest poked out and a smile on his face that competes with the size of Texas.
Colton drags his feet with his shoulders curled in and a pout smeared across his face.
Carlee screams if the bounce isn't quite right.
And my pace is brisk and quick because lunch usually takes too long to eat and we are racing the clock.

Walks home from kindergarten on the pre-school free afternoons??
Even more intense..

On one particular afternoon, Colton's moody behavior stood testament to the fact that he needed a nap.  While marching home from school with Carlee fussing in my ear, he came unglued.  Protests  were complete with the various stomping of feet, rotten faces, and mean words.  He thinks he is quite the negotiator.

After telling him for the up-teenth time that he was going to invest in a nap that afternoon, he dug his heels into the ground.  I quickly realized that carrying a ten-pound fragile baby and my forty-pound three-year-old (yes, he weighs forty pounds) at the same time was not an option.  Period.  Standing on the street with cars whizzing past, I realized that we were never going to make it home.  Ever.  Sleep deprivation combined with an overactive imagination kicked in and images of my body outlined with chalk on the sidewalk surrounded with yellow tape entered my mind.  I could have very well died on that sidewalk with two inconsolable babies in hand.

Adrenaline kicked in and so did a little common sense.
Kids never like talking about naps and I was insane to argue with an overly-tired three-year-old.


Changing the subject to Star Wars - Colton's favorite conversation piece - I began asking him about all of his favorite characters.

What is Anakin's favorite food?
Where does BoBo Fett sleep?
How did Jabba the Hutt get so fat?
Does Darth Vadar drink Orange Juice?

Colton immediately piped up and began talking about Star Wars.  He told me all about BoBo Fett's favorite movies and Princess Leia's favorite hair style and why Han Solo needed to comb Chewbaccca's hair - when Colton looked up at me and said:


"Anakin Skywalker and Padme got married in the Jedi Temple.  Did you know that mom?"


I couldn't hold back the laughter for one more second.  What three-year-old can talk about Star Wars for hours upon end?


"Mom!  That is not funny!  We do not laugh about Jedi temples."  With eyes scrunched up in complete fury, he glared up at me to let me know that he was serious.

I should have shown more restraint and stopped my laughter, but I couldn't.  I had already used up my daily allotment of self-control. 

"Mom!  I am serious!  We do not laugh at temples because it makes Jesus sad."

 Swallowing my laughter, I bowed my head in submission.  The padawan had a point.

"Colton, you are right."  I responded, "Temples are not funny, they are special.  Thank you for reminding me."



He replied with a "you are welcome Mom... just don't do it again" response before he delved into the topic of Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan.  I continued the walk home in silent humility because he was right, Jedi temples are not funny.


Mental note to self: Next time I am in a desperate situation with Colton and choose to use Star Wars as a conversation piece - hold back the laughter.  It might just save your life.

cannibalism

I am dozing on the couch while nursing Carlee when I feel something moving close to my face.  Opening my eyes, Caleb's bright green irises are there to greet me.  Despite my constant lectures to keep things away from my face, Caleb is still under the impression that the best way to gain my attention is to position his hands or face within inches from my eyes.  


"What's up?"  I asked while swallowing my annoyance.  I love my kids and I love talking to them, but I also love sleep.

"Did you know that last night I was a real life monster?"  He sat back upon his heels, victory radiating from his eyes.

"Really?  A real life monster?"

"Yes!"

"How were you a real life monster?"

"Well, I woke up in the middle of the night and I wanted to eat Colton."

"What!?!"  I asked with a grin.  I love his stories.

"Yep!  I woke up in the middle of the night sooo hungry and I didn't want to walk to the kitchen so I almost ate Colton."

"Seriously?"

"Yep.  I am a real life monster."  He said, his heels tucked under his knees with a bounce. 

"Yikes.  Just don't eat me... okay?"

"Okay, mom."  He said with his classic-Caleb-smile.

"Or dad."

"Okay, I won't eat dad."

"Pheeeew."  I said,  "I am so glad we had this conversation.  Now go eat your brother so I can sleep."  My head leaned back against the couch to rest once again, too tired to care that my child just admitting to cannibalism.  Some arguments are not worth the energy.

First Day of School

Conner started second grade last week.
Caleb and Colton started kindergarten/preschool today.

And I have started nap school again with Carlee.

The teachers this year are fabulous.  Conner (I think) has another crush on his new Chinese teacher... although to his dismay she was married a couple weeks ago.  Drats.  I guess we will just have to stick to the second grade girls. 

Caleb's teacher (Mrs. Stokes) is a cute lady in our neighborhood and ward - he is going to have so much fun with her.

Colton gets to go to school at Jon's house!  Jon is one of Conner's favorite friends and his mom teaches preschool out of her home.  She is a fabulous teacher.  I am excited for Colton. 

Carlee likes to sleep in the afternoon and I am learning that the bed feels amazing at 1:00 in the afternoon.  I think I am going to pass my school with flying colors.

Don't you love the boy's socks? The rocking socks are China gifts from Spencer and Teresa.  I love how they compliment their outfits.  And yes, Conner has tried to wear his pair every day for the last week.