wedgie school

"Hey look Mom!  I am giving myself a wedgie!"  Conner says in between giggles, his hands pulling against the collar of his shirt.

"No, your not." I eloquently reply.

"Yes mom.  This is a wedgie."  Conner replies, his hands pulling harder against his shirt.

"No, it is not."  I say.

"Yes mom, it is."  He replies. 
With less than seven years until teenager-hood, he already doesn't believe a word that comes out of my mouth.

"No, it is not.  Come over here."  I say. 
There are some fact in life that are too important to miss. 
Details that everyone... even my six-year-old must understand. 
And, as his mother, I fully accept the responsibility to ensure that he is familiar with such essential details. 

Turning him around, I reach for his underwear and pull towards the heavens.
Giving a wedgie to someone never felt so good.

Giggles explode from around the room.
The audience of Caleb and Colton are thoroughly entertained and delighted.
Cheers explode with a chorus of "do that again mom!"
I am so cool.

"Mom!  Wedgies are so cool!"  Conner exclaims as he turns around to face me.
Making a quick dash, he reaches for my underwear hidden beneath my pants as my body moves to block him.

"Let me give you one!  I want to give someone a wedgie so bad!!"  He says.

His brothers all agree.
Tackling me from all angles, they reach and push and shove.
In the end, I remained wedgie free.
Hallelujah.

"Hold on!"  I said in a slightly raised tone.
"Wedgies are not nice.  They can really hurt people and thy are not to be given to anyone."

"But mom!  Who can we give a wedgie to?"  Conner asks desperately.

"Dad.  You can give Dad all the wedgies you want."  I say.
"No you can not!"  Nate rebuttals from the room next door.
I had no idea he was listening.

"Well, if we can't give one to dad... who can we give one to?"  Conner asks anxiously.

"Mickey,"  I say, "you can give all the wedgies you want to your stuffed animal mickey."
Sometimes I am so smart.

So the boys dashed for their rooms, shoved underwear over the legs of their stuffed animals, and spent the remainder of the day wedgie-ing away because wedgie school with mom is cool... very cool.


Next item to discuss.... swirlies.
I think I'll leave that one up to Nate.